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Strengthen my long-distance relationship
Relationships: Love

Why were you inspired to do this?

I wasn't as much *inspired* to be in a long-distance relationship as I was compelled -- although the divide between us geographically was wide, the distance between us emotionally barely registered. I'd found someone who spoke my language, who believed in equal measure and with the same intensity what I'd always believed: Those who seek extraordinary lives get extraordinary relationships. We shared so much in common, I couldn't help but love him, almost at first sight -- there was a storm cloud above our heads the first time we met. After a meeting like that, a universe between us couldn't keep me from falling. And once you're in giddy, crazy, do-anything-for-you love, you make it work.

What were 3 things you did to make this happen?

I had to keep faith in myself and in our relationship, even when it got complicated and felt distant: I knew I was loved and that I loved in return with equal intensity and good intentions.

I had to communicate fearlessly and listen attentively to stay in tune with my relationship -- to hear not only what was said but what was sometimes not said, to put in context what was happening 3,000 miles away, and to give time a chance to make what we'd already built even more powerful without letting discomfort or insecurity erode what we had together.

I had to be prepared to work at it, to meet in the middle both emotionally and geographically. I was willing to risk my heart to leap beyond what people say is a difficult hurdle -- to be in a new love and try to overcome distance. I kept my expectations low, but felt surprised and elated when our communication evolved easily.

How did you feel once you had accomplished this?

I barely remember now the agonizing time we spent apart, a fact for which I'm very grateful. I know I felt so lonely at times -- even when my life was full of other people -- because there's just no else like him. After a visit, there were ghost spots in my house for a few days where it seemed he'd just stood until I could get back into my own rhythm. Having been apart, I appreciate so much the life events we share easily now. It's like he was always here. I could never have anticipated the happiness of finding a soul mate. How lucky am I? (I know you don't believe in luck... but I do!)

Additional notes and tips:

I never thought falling in love could qualify as a life-list goal, until I realized how many people have it on their lists. It's definitely life changing to meet someone who makes you feel appreciated and understood and challenged by. I can't say there are actual steps to meeting someone -- but the falling in love part and the distance can only be improved by good communication. So learn how to say what you mean and what you need, and be prepared to give back in equal measure.



4/27/2016 3:24:09 PM

BRUH NOOOOOOOOOOO NO BRUH STAHP UR BRUHING WRONG

2/7/2012 11:22:01 AM

May I have some tips from you as I need to grow in the relationship I am currently in 

10/11/2011 10:16:42 PM

 I wish i can have some tips from you. :) this is really inspiring. 

4/2/2011 10:34:13 AM

I came across your incredible love story again and now for the second time, it has overwhelmed me. You've reminded me once again what a huge romantic I am. I think you added new pictures too. Fantastic and thank you so much for sharing.

1/9/2011 7:28:23 AM

Congratulations, we have linked your story on the My Life List 90 (#3) to inspire others. Thank you so much for sharing this great story.

12/2/2010 2:45:16 PM

Thank you, Lara! So far so good! Just celebrated a milestone and still so very happy. Obviously you know, distance can be both physical and emotional. Every time you take the risk to be honest, you become vulnerable but hopefully the relationship ends up being worth that effort. Good luck!

12/2/2010 1:53:52 PM

Thanks you for sharing your story. To me it is very inspiring. I'm in a relationship myself that has to deal with distance-like obstacles, and I also found communication to be very important. What you tell is so true. All best to you both!

8/25/2010 7:43:46 AM

Andrea, I believe being apart initially brought us closer today. I know its cliche but I am totally in a relationship with my best friend. A Champion for the adventurous and fulfilling life we both seek. Life is better Shared!!

8/23/2010 7:27:54 PM

Congratulations to both of you. I can tell you share an incredible love together and wish you happiness and adventure. It's so nice to read your touching story. Thank you for sharing.

Why do you want to do this?

Being in a long-distance relationship has the potential to be difficult but it can also be really powerful when viewed as a cement for a mutually enriching connection that fosters good communication as well as healthy independence.

What three things will you need to make this happen?

I'll need to have faith in what I know: that I am loved and that I love in return with equal intensity and good intentions.

I'll need to communicate fearlessly and listen attentively to stay in tune with my relationship -- to hear not only what is said but what is sometimes not said, to put in context what's happening 3,000 miles away, and to give time a chance to make what we've already built even more powerful without letting discomfort or insecurity erode what we have together.

I'll have to be determined and prepared to work at it, to meet in the middle both emotionally and geographically. I am absolutely willing to risk my heart to leap beyond what people say is a difficult hurdle -- to be in a new love and try to overcome distance. But I don't expect something so special to come easily. The best, most worthwhile moments in my life have always been mine through challenge.

What is the biggest barrier to your achieving this?

The most daunting barrier is knowing how much it hurts to be absent, to have life events that we can't share just yet. But I rest secure in the knowledge that *real* love is at my door, even if it's only one week a month for now. Letting life happen, letting time work its magic will make us look back and say, "Wanna take a boat to the end of the world?" The destination -- now more than ever -- is not the goal; the goal is the steps we take to make it all happen. xoxo

1/10/2010 8:21:20 PM

 So how are you doing with this?

1/11/2010 6:02:27 PM

Still making an efffort ... we'll see.

1/12/2010 6:22:44 PM

Although this can at times feel impossible, prior to being married my wife and I lived on opposite coasts for the better part of a year. We saw each other in person every few months and did our best to make the most of the time in between. Lots of time spent on the phone and thoughtful gifts to each other in the mail from time to time helped the months pass quickly. We persevered and I am happy to report that we have been married for over 10 years now. You can do it too!

1/13/2010 9:27:43 AM

Scott, I love that you did it! 10 years is an incredible accomplishment. What I'm finding is that with good communication, anything is possible. Thanks for the encouragement!

1/26/2010 8:20:12 PM

 I too am currently in a long distance relationship and understand the struggle! My boyfriend and I are both working and promised ourselves/each other that we would not give up an opportunity in our careers to follow the other. It has been a true test of our character, strength and love. With no real time table of when the long distance will end we have tried to use every aspect of technology to feel more apart of each others lives. Feeling like I'm missing out on big moments in his life or big moments in my life to share with him has been my biggest struggle. I wish you the best of luck and just know there are others fighting the good fight with you! -Andrea

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